Suzanne Pharr had me scared of what I was about to read with her foreword. I was unsure how I was possibly going to find interest and a connection with the author. How was I possibly going to connect with a cerebral palsy queer? Beginning with the metaphor of a mountain I continued through the first few pages and I instantly was able to obtain an interest much to my suprise. I was able to relate to her narrative in a personal way along with finding understanding in her message, although I'm not sure Eli Clare would agree with my opinion of Exile and Pride. I did enjoy it. I actually see Clare's counter narrative of her body as a dominant narrative to everyone elses emotions.
In the beginning Eli Clare recalls the climbing of Mount Adams with her friend Adrianne. Clare mentions Adrianne's unconscious mental defiance of the "cript" stories". Clare scripts on page nine "You made the right choice when you turned around". Adrianne never understated Clare's ability as a person. In fact Clare and Adrianne often talked of hiking trips and before they even reached the bottom of the mountain they were discussing their next trip to Mount Adams. I relate to Adrianne's desensitization to the physical disability of Eli Clare. My sister has cerebral palsy but yet I never recall extending my hand to help her. In fact people make things more difficult in helping her. She tells me it throws off her balance. That's why I thought the descriptions of the different tactics in walking she took to climb the mountain.
Clare is aggravated at the way she is mentally labeled with all of these seperate identities and life makes it impossible for her to connect one another. The seperate identities place her in a personal exile whether it is the past identity of a tomboy from the lumbering town of Port Orford or the identity she has become as urbanized queer. She is unable to find acceptance of her sexuality in a rural area nor is she able to be present for her deteriorated past home. She has lost the childhood moments of running through the woods and smelling fresh cut lumber. Even though she has lost those moments the knowledge she gained about trees and the life cycle of salmon has become apart of who she is in her queer identity. Still the identity or home she gains from being queer exiles her from the home or identity she felt from Port Orford. "But is it exile?" Clare asks. In leaving her small town of Port Orford she can find relief in her queerness and move past the awful sexual abuse she endured. She won't see the men who did unspeakable things to her and in a rural area ahd won't be the local gossip if she holds hands with another woman.
"We decide to climb that mountain, or make a pact that our children will climb it" Clare dictates an ingenious metaphor which explains basic human nature. People set goals in life and when these goals become unaccomplished or distant we seek to impose them on future generations. I have yet to become a musician and the day that I become one is not in the near future, but I know that I will relay the importance of learning to play an instrument on my children. I have reached higher education in hopes of creating a trail up the mountain for my future generations. If I become stuck in the "middle-class scramble" as Clare calls it and do not reach the summit I hope to indulge my children in the fact of moving further in their endeavors to reach the summit. Eli Clare asks, "Did my parents become middle-class in their scramble?" (p36) However Eli Clare's summit was a world where her different ability did not only label her with her inability but also label her as heroic. Her summit included urban improvement for gays and lesbians. Her summit was conquering her exile. When all of this circulated her body would become home. She climbed the mountain to conquer her physical ability and gain her mental summit.
Clare wants people to look at her without pity, that I can do. Clare also would also like us to not see her as heroic, but when she writes I find that hard to do. Exile and Pride was metaphoric narrative for the way life goes and the equilibrium imbalance many people endure. That may be because I am a person who would rather pay no attention to the very details Clare work to protect. I like to look at the more general idea or the big picture. The hunt for the summit will never end but if a person doesn't try they will end up at the bottom which Clare says for her would be the nursing home. I think its the nursing home for all of us. I must say on a pompous note to Eli Clare that she is not alone no one reaches their summit and escapes their exile. Everyone must endure the imbalance of their different identities whether it be single-mother, waitress, black, or ex-victim. Eli Clare you are the same as everyone else is that what you wanted to hear?
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3 comments:
I'm not sure that is what Clare wanted to hear. While Clare desires acceptance, she also embraces her individuality and difference. Her disability does not make her the same as everyone else (and this difference should not be good or bad) and I think this is what she is getting at. Society ignores the particular needs of the disabled, as they have often ignored particular needs of women, natives, etc. Having particular needs different from others is not bad, it just is often considered to be.
What do you mean by, "I actually see Clare's counter narrative of her body as a dominant narrative to everyone elses emotions."?
But I know what you're saying about people not helping those who are differently abled. It may be an uncomfortable task for some.
I agree that all the parts of her past shape who she is and I think we all are on the same path of putting different pieces of ourselves together in harmony.
As far as one generation working towards something and the next generation following on with it, I think it's less about imposition as you say, but more about passing the torch and continuing pushing for a cause. Just because something in important for one group in a generation doesn't mean they'll impose it on others. It may be presented to them, but shouldn't be imposed. I'm sure you won't force your kids to learn about music but present the option to them and relay how important it is in life. Same thing with this social issue. Then it's all up to the young generation; follow, rebel, find something totally different to spend their time and energy on.
I also don't think just because you have different identities there has to be "imbalance." There are many things people are and they can live with peace and harmony within their own hearts and minds. It's the outside world that imposes the thought of "imbalance" on them, for one should only be select and specific things; differently abled and not straight is not on that list.
Eli Clare is such a difficult writer for me to connect with - he doesn't make it easy for me at all. Going into the text with the mindset of a student of Women's Studies and a GLBT activist, I thought to myself that I knew where Clare was, and what he stood for. But even in my second reading of Exile and Pride, I feel like a complete outsider of Clare's world.
On the bright side, I think this was all part of his intention. Clare's story is complex, as we all are, and the fact that Clare is not "just" queer or "just" a person with CP or "just" involved in the logging industry complicates his stances and character. Clare cannot be boiled down in to a stereotype, a charity case, or even an addition to the master narrative for any of the minority groups that he can be associated into. Clare's background, upbringing, community, and personal experiences shaped him and his story, and there is no simplifying an entire person's life, ever. The best we can do it accept it for what it is.
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